Compulsion

I recall during a recent doom-scrolling episode (algorithms have pegged me like a butterfly on a pin) a philosophical podcaster quoted some eminent philosopher who said that we have no free will. If you’d like me to, I’ll let you know what other niches my algorithms have pinned me to—but that will have to be another Stack.

I laughed! Surely I pick and choose all the time. Am I not the captain of my destiny? The master of my soul? Except for these little compulsions. When the going gets tough, I get into gear and work like crazy (which explains perhaps my professional longevity). But even at my most efficient there are a bevy of compulsions that drive me. That flower, incidentally, is Tigridia pavonia—a bulb one plants in Spring (it’s not hardy in severe winter climates). I have grown it from time to time, but this year, I planted it in a perfect spot and some days a dozen blossoms open at once…I forgot to photograph the display this morning which was awesome. These are ridiculously cheap (I only planted 25) but now I’m so enchanted I plan to plant hundreds next year. I am compulsive about my garden. Betcha I’ll do it.

But there are other compulsions. I signed up for I-Naturalist a few years ago. Didn’t do much at first, but now I’m bitten by the bug. Now I’m possessed: I’ve uploaded over 2000 “observations” and over 1000 species. I have umpteen thousand more images I can still upload—from Uzbekistan, China, Tibet, Patagonia, Georgia. I just uploaded the last of my pictures from Armenia which you can check out here: https://www.inaturalist.org/observations?place_id=any&user_id=panayotikelaidis&verifiable=any

I would like to spend all my time uploading the thousands of “easy kill” pictures (those I took from my I-phone which upload promptly)…am I trying to show off? (of course—there’s some of that) But the App is beyond wonderful and miraculous—I have had hundreds of people verify my pictures, many corrections, many identified plants I didn’t know. I am spellbound researching plants on it—and people too. I’m making friends and honestly, I could live on this app quite happily. And did I mention it’s actually a very worthwhile thing to do?

I restrain myself (with difficulty)—but I promise you by next spring I will be caught up. I’ll bet I’ll have well MORE than 6-7000 observations and three or four thousand species EASY! If I had had this app as a young man, I’d have had tens of thousands of images on it by now. That is compulsion pure and simple.

We live in such a lurid age: lurid in the awful sense—politics in America is beyond the worst I ever imagined. As my dear friend Randy said at dinner four or five times as the subject ranged across various subjects: “We’re doomed”…

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Like any sensible human, I am subject to depression and anger—which I generally sublimate into gardening and working hard. But when that lurid orange face shows up on my computer, I get a jolt.

Here comes my other compulsion: it used to be once in the morning or night—but now three or four times a day (when I try to go to sleep at night and the world’s stupidity boils up in my brain) I sit up in the bed and click on a Sudoku app (I have two I alternate on). I’ve reached “expert” level. I find I can now zip through an expert level Sudoku in five or ten minutes (long enough to quell my despair and get me sleepy). I may have to graduate to “Master” level soon-perish the thought! Anything to dispel the miasma that trumpishness is miring us in.

I have other compulsions of course (as does everyone). I am addicted to carbs for one thing. Fortunately I do not abuse more toxic substances (although I enjoy a beer or glass of wine (or two) most days. A philosopher would say my compulsive urges are proof of determinism—I’m being driven (not the other way around)…

Please ignore the foot lower left. I say, I CHOOSE to give in to this or that compulsion rather than give in to the inevitability of despair.

I think a garden with hundreds of Tigridias will be quite peachy! Come to think of it, I’ve indulged in an ungodly number of Palisade peaches and Rocky Ford cantalopes this month—which isn’t a compulsion. It’s just good taste!